Why not for me?

I indulge in thinking there might be someone for me out there. You know, that idilic thing where you really let yourself believe the world is a good place and that you'll be happy whenever you find the one you truly love.

Well, I can live by myself and be happy enough. There's plenty to be done out there to keep me busy. Plenty of men to go out with, plenty of family to visit, plenty of hobbies to be fulfilled by.

But I get myself more then often looking at the moon or listening to a romantic song and crying for no actual reason. I'm a romantic at heart and that's something you can't just shake off. I imagine crazy worlds where dreams are reality and where someone loves me in a Meg Ryan movie kind of way. I imagine myself stopping to see the man I love waiting for me on a rainy night when everything else is lost and there's no hope to be had. Except that I'd never guess he would be there for me, because up till now, I had no idea he even knew I was in love with him. How sick is that?

So, what if I really would like to live a romantic comedy life? If I really would like to find a men I just can't stand be near, with whom I disagree about everything, to whom it hurts to be pleasant, and that feels the same about me, ending up in a mutual dislike that all of our friends know about and try to reconcile? All this only to find out that our total disregard for each other was really just love and the fact that we are so alike we couldn't stand to see that there's someone out there perfect for us, including with the same quirkies? And then we realize we've been in love since always and we live happily (in a Katherine Hepburn/Spencer Tracy kind of way) ever after.

Not that this is going to happen. I know, deep down inside my silly romance-ridden self that this is material of movies, not of lifetimes. Even The Sound of the Music was inspired by a real story that isn't half as pretty as it seems in the screen. Life isn't pretty.

And that's just why I let my mind wander on busy shopping malls, when there's a sudden buzz of hundreds of crazy shoppers, and I wait for the crowd to dissolve to show that that guy, that one guy who's been at odds with me since the beginning of the movie and who I've come to realize I'm in love with, is there, just standing, wearing that silly scarf I forgot somewhere when I tried to hide my real feelings for him. He's not there, and he won't be, but I can dream, can't it?